i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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