How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
