We're facebook friends in real life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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