when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
