I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
