She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
