Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
