Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
