Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
