I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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