Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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