Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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