can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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