So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
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do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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