WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
