im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
