I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
