So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
