You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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