Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
