I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
