spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
