is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
