Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize