Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
