if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
