So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
