Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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