If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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