Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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