Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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