Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
