I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
should my penis look like a turkey
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
