look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
