Pappa wants mamma naked
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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