there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's always time for handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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