She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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