Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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