I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just want nice things and good sex
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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