u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
