They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
