apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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