...so i touched it.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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