3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
