hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.