I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people