i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.