i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.