69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS