Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
