I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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