it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
