I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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