I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
