i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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