first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
