Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
