you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
