grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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