very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
