so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
